


Confidence

by antiero



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Comfort, Dan Howell - Freeform, I LOVE DYING AND BEING DEAD, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, Tickling, insecure!dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-26 07:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4994737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antiero/pseuds/antiero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i love comma usage (also,,,sm angsty fluff oh boy)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confidence

   Dan had never really been confident with himself. His face, body, and overall personality really did not appeal to him. On some days, when he was crying on the bathroom floor, or laying face down on his bed in silence, Phil would be there to gather him in his arms and rub his back and assure him that everything was okay. Dan believed him, for the most part. But he still couldn't get it in his head that Phil loved him, Phil thought he was beautiful, Phil cared about him. Of course, Dan felt all of the above and more for Phil, but to believe it the other way around? Ha. If he wasn't 'good enough' for himself, how could he be 'good enough' for Phil? That was Dan's logic, at least. But, who knows? Maybe he _could_ learn to love himself... Couldn't he?

-

   "Hey, Dan?" Phil called from the office. He was editing a video needed help with an editing technique that Dan had taught him a few weeks before. After a few seconds of silence, Phil called out again only to receive another minute of silence. That's weird. 

   Phil saved his video and stood up to go searching for Dan. Surely he hadn't left without telling him, right? Phil checked his and Dan's rooms, the kitchen, the lounge, and finally noticed a light peeking out from underneath the bathroom door. Just to check, Phil walked down the steps and knocked on the bathroom door. He didn't want to walk in on him having a shit or anything.

   "Dan? You okay in there?"

   Dan whimpered and clutched the counter tight. He cleared his throat, "Y- eah, I'm just-" 

   "Are you crying?" Phil leaned more against the door, only receiving a jumbled mess of words from the boy on the other side, "Dan? I'm coming in."  
Phil opened the door slowly to see Dan leaning against the bathroom counter in just boxers and a t-shirt, tears leaking out of his eyes.  
  "Babe? What's wrong?"

   Dan grabbed the front of Phil's shirt and pulled him towards him, burying his face in Phil's shoulder. Phil immediately starting running his fingers up and down Dan's back, rocking him as he did.

  "I'm not good, Phil." Dan said finally, wiping his nose on the back of his hand.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I'm not good." Dan repeated, "I-I'm...I don't-" he stumbled, sighing before running a hand through his hair.

  "Take your time, love." Phil suggested softly, pressing his lips to Dan's temple, still gently rocking. Dan leaned his head against Phil's chest and took a few deep breaths, "I don't like myself. I don't want to be me anymore."

  "Why's that, babe?"

  Dan grumbled quietly, pulling Phil closer to him, "I'm gross," Phil tilted his head slightly, "My body, my face. My personality, even. Not good."

  Phil rubbed small circles into his back. "You are so beautiful. So,  _so_ beautiful, Dan. I wish you could see it, too."

  "Same." was all Dan replied with before closing his eyes.

  "I'm always here, yeah? I'm always here when you need help." Dan nodded, "Please don't be afraid to ask for help. Promise me?"

  "Promise."

\--

  They fell asleep late, limbs tangled and foreheads nearly touching. It was silent except for quiet breathing and soft snoring when they finally drifted off. Phil's hand was underneath Dan's shirt, resting on his back where he was drawing shapes to help Dan relax. When he awoke, he yawned and blinked a few times then looked at the boy asleep in front of him. He looked so calm in his sleep, so relaxed, so young. Phil thought it was adorable.

  Phil softly ran his fingernails up Dan's back, then back down to rub circles into Dan's hip. Dan loved that.

  He stirred slightly, opening his eyes and blinking at the light shining through the window.

  "Morning, sleeping beauty." Phil smiled, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to Dan's lips.

  Dan smiled, too, reaching up to stroke Phil's hair, "Morning, baby."

\--

  "I'm so fucking done." Dan muttered, standing up and pacing a few steps.

 "Hm?"

 "I said I'm done."

  "Dan? What are you on about?" Phil questioned, closing his laptop and setting it aside.

  "I don't give a shit. I'm done. I'm s-so  _fucking_ -" Dan's face crumpled and he covered his face with his hands and leaned against the fireplace.

  "Oh, baby. Come here, it's alright. It's alright, it's okay, shh." Phil soothed and gathered Dan into his arms, pulling him down to sit on the couch.

  "I'm so f-ucking  _stupid,_ Phil. I-I'm...I-" a sobbed ripped through Dan's chest as he shook in Phil's arms. Phil rocked him back and forth like he always does, whispering soothing words into Dan's ear.

  "Dan? Can you take a breath for me? A big deep breath, yeah?" Phil instructed, slowing his breathing for Dan to follow. Dan tried to take a breath but choked slightly and started coughing, making him cry even more.

  "You can do it, love. You can." Phil ran his hand through Dan's hair and rubbed his head, "Come on, baby. You're okay, you're okay."

  Phil took another deep breath, Dan following safely this time. Phil smiled softly and grabbed Dan's hand, taking a few more deep breaths until Dan was almost fully calmed down, his head against against Phil's chest and few tears slipping down his face. He reached up and roughly wiped them away on his palm. Phil moved his hand to rub circles into Dan's hip. Dan sighed and hid his face in Phil's neck, pressing a light, innocent kiss there.

  "You okay?"

  "I don't know."

  "Alright."

  "I'm sorry." Dan muttered, "Didn't mean to upset you."

  "You didn't upset me," Phil replied, "I love you."

  "I love you, too."

  "A lot."

  "A lot."

\--

  Dan set a big bowl on the counter along with eggs, flour, milk, etc. and pulled out the measuring cups. Phil opened the door and grinned, "What's up?"

  "Cookies." Dan replied simply. He turned the sink on and washed his hands.

  "Can I join in?"

  "Of course. Wash your hands, please."

  "On it." Phil replied, heading to the sink while Dan got out the number of eggs they needed before putting the carton back in the fridge. Phil dried off his hands and walked to Dan's side. He lightly squeezed his shoulder then read the directions off of Dan's laptop.

  "It says we need...two cups of flour. Measure that out for me, please?"

  "Got it. Why are we making cookies at 10pm on a Saturday, might I ask?" Phil asked, pouring flour (and maybe getting some, well...everywhere) into the measuring cup and pouring it into the bowl.

  "Just felt like making something, sorry." Dan mumbled.

  "I'm not mad, was just wondering." Phil answered while cracking an egg and handing the other to Dan for him to crack into the bowl.

  When they finished and cleaned up, they put the cookies on a plate to cool and walked to the lounge to put on a movie.

  10 minutes into the movie, Phil leaned over and buried his face in Dan's neck. He kissed the place where his neck met his shoulder then turned slightly so he could see the TV. His hand trailed underneath Dan's shirt, fingers dancing along his sides and lightly scratching his tummy. He did a walking motion with his fingers and Dan squirmed. Phil smiled, he almost forgot Dan was ticklish. He did it again, but with slightly more pressure and watched Dan try to wiggle away from him.

  "Phil, stop that."

  "Stop what? This?" Phil smirked, wiggling his fingers into Dan's sides, scooting over to hold him down with his legs.

  Dan yelped and tried to push Phil away, so Phil grabbed his wrists and pinned them above him, pushing him so he was laying sideways on the couch with Phil on top of him. Phil took his free hand and did the same as before, pressing into Dan's tummy this time and watching him laugh and squirm around.

  "Phil, sto-op." Dan managed in between giggles.

  "What was that? I can't hear you?" Phil laughed and continued moving his fingers all over Dan's torso, only stopping for a few seconds, "Let's see, where else are you ticklish?" he wondered aloud, letting Dan catch his breath for a couple seconds.

  "Oh, I know! Your  _neck!_ " he exclaimed, readjusting his grip on Dan's wrists.

  "God, please no. Ah!" Dan jumped as he felt Phil's fingers on his neck, "F-Fuck you."

  "Maybe later." Dan rolled his eyes then flinched as Phil moved back to his sides, as he was more sensitive there. Dan laughed and pleaded for Phil to get off of him.

  "P-please, Phil. Please, stop. Ahahahaha,  _Phil, I'm serious._ "

  "Okay, baby. I'm done, I promise." Phil released his arms and Dan gasped and tried to catch his breath, his face was red his hair was messy.

  "I hate you so much." Dan gasped.

  "You don't." Phil grinned, laying down next to Dan (and slightly on top of him, due to the couch situation) "You're so cute."

  "Hush."

  "You are."

  "When are you gonna stop calling me cute or adorable every chance you get?" Dan smirked, stroking Phil's cheek with his thumb.

  "I'll stop when you believe me." Phil leaned in and kissed Dan softly, lacing their fingers.

  (no he won't)

\--

  "You almost ready, babe? We need to go." Phil called out. They were going to meet up with Chris and Pj for lunch and needed to get a move on.

  "Yeah, I'm coming." Dan answered, grabbing his phone and leaving his room.

  "You look cute." Phil complimented.

  "You too." Dan smiled back, grabbing his key.

  They quickly turned off the lights and ran down the stairs, exiting the complex and catching a cab just on time. Once they were sat and buckled in, Dan leaned his head on Phil's shoulder and sighed.

  "Phil?"

  "Hm?"

  "I think I believe you now."

  

  


End file.
